The Hidden Trauma of Neurodivergence: Unseen Struggles of Growing Up Different

(aka: Why It Makes So Much Sense That You're Exhausted)

Growing up neurodivergent—whether you realized it or not—meant you spent a lot of your childhood trying to fit into systems that were never built for you. School, family, friendships… all of it may have quietly (or not-so-quietly) told you you were too much, too sensitive, too spacey, too intense, too weird, too loud, too quiet—too something.

If you’re reading this, and that sounds like your experience, it’s no surprise that you’ve struggled. You were often told—either directly or indirectly—that something about you was “off.” For those of you who were late diagnosed, or never diagnosed as a kid, the pressure to “fit in” was probably downright suffocating. You might have found yourself putting on a mask to survive—pretending to be someone else just to get through the day. And while that may have helped you make it through, it didn’t come without a cost.

The Hazards of Growing Up Neurodivergent

Being neurodivergent in a world built for neurotypicals has a real cost. Here are just a few of the issues many neurodivergent people face growing up (and beyond):

• Increased Bullying: Whether you were teased for being "too much" or "too different," these childhood experiences can have long-lasting effects. Middle school seems to be particularly awful for neurodivergent kids. Middle schoolers can just smell that there's something different about you.

• Higher Rates of Depression and Anxiety: Constantly being told you’re "too" something can lead to chronic mental health struggles, including depression and anxiety.

• Lack of Belonging: Growing up feeling like an outsider, disconnected from peers or family, can lead to deep feelings of isolation and a sense that you’ll never quite fit in.

• Feelings of Inferiority: The pressure to be "normal" or to meet expectations can lead to chronic self-doubt and feelings of not being enough.

• Chronic self-doubt: You've probably questioned everything about yourself, even when you’re “doing everything right.” Turns out, the “right” you were doing wasn’t right for you.

Masking: The Hidden Cost of Trying to “Fit In”

So how did you survive all of this? By masking. If you’ve ever tried to fit into a mold that wasn’t made for you, you’ve likely become an expert in pretending. Masking could look like:

• Performing: Pretending to be “normal” while feeling like you're wearing someone else's skin.

• Minimizing your needs: Telling yourself “I’m fine” when your brain and body are screaming, “HELP.”

• People-pleasing: Doing anything to avoid conflict or rejection, even if it means completely losing sight of who you are.

• Apologizing for existing: Feeling like you need to justify your brain to people who don’t understand it.

But here’s the kicker: all that masking? It’s exhausting as hell. It doesn't come without consequences. You’re probably burned out, disconnected, and just... done.

The Trauma of Neurodivergence

We get it—you might not want to call this “trauma.” But let’s be real: the experience of growing up neurodivergent in a neurotypical world is trauma. You were constantly forced to live in a way that wasn’t aligned with who you are.

This kind of stress doesn’t just vanish. It shows up in ways like:

• Burnout: If you're constantly trying to meet expectations that don’t fit, you’re going to run out of steam.

• Chronic stress: Your body eventually says, “Nope, not today” in the form of anxiety, insomnia, and more.

• That nagging feeling that something’s “off”: Everything may look “fine” on the outside, but deep down you know it’s not quite right. And honestly, it never really was.

You’re Not Broken. You’re Just Different.

The truth is, if this hits home for you, you're not broken. You did the best you could in a world that wasn’t built for you. The fact that you survived all this shit is a testament to your strength.

You’re not the problem. The system is. And guess what? It’s okay to start unlearning all of the crap you were taught about yourself.

Ready to explore what healing could look like for you? You don’t have to keep carrying all of that with you. Reach out to Willow and Moss Counseling—we’re here to help you start unlearning the scripts you were never meant to follow.

We are therapists who get it. Every neurodivergent person is differently neurodivergent, so our experience won’t be yours, but we get it and we ant to help.

Willow & Moss Counseling – Compassionate Therapy in Cherokee & Cobb County, Serving Woodstock, Holly Springs, Canton, Kennesaw, and Marietta.